


Clearing The Fog

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Worth Issues, i don't think they're real i just be projecting, its 4am after christmas and i needed to project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: He will take your bigger hand in his and paint your nails when your body isn’t cooperating as if it’s as natural as breathing. He will help you with your eyeliner, determined to apply it with a level of precision that you never have even been able to achieve. He will see the way your shoulders are hunched and your eyes blinking profusely at a screen. He will carefully put on your eyepatch with a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead. He will help you communicate when you’re frustrated. Your throat aching, the bitter vile taste is in the back of your throat, and any attempt at using your vocal cords a loss cause. But he is patient with you. And he does so with that damn smile on his face.
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 291
Collections: Anonymous





	Clearing The Fog

**Author's Note:**

> if it is expressed by either parties that fanfiction makes them uncomfortable, this will be deleted. ya know the drill.

When your baseline level of existing is a steady, constant, never-ending feeling of pain, you understand that the world is not all sunshine and rainbows like you grow up believing it is in your youth. You come to understand that there is a world of hurt out there that some people have never even tapped into. And you adjust. Not because you want to, no, but because you have to. Every single thing you do is shaped by this brain-numbing sensation. From the second you wake up as you process the world around you, there is pain. And it’ll be there until the very moment your body and mind allows you to dull off to sleep. But that like everything else, of course, doesn’t come easy. 

But there are days where that baseline is what you pray to feel again. It can happen at a moment's notice, no matter the time of day or what you are doing. Your nerves will be set on fire - every movement you make is now an act of pure will and courage. Your head throbbing so vigorously into your skull that you can feel your elevated heartbeat. Your eyes will water and burn. It fogs every single sense. It clouds everything because the only thing you can feel in these moments is something so intense that you feel like it will never end. It does, of course. But these moments are terrifying. They drain and suck the life right out of you.

There will be multiple doctor’s appointments that are accompanied by a sliver of hope that you can get help. Get answers. You will see specialist after specialist, drive from one office/center to another. Your bank account will suffer but never as hard as you do when they give you a different variation of the same answer. It’s never the answer you want. You’ll receive diagnoses but with these diagnoses comes a multitude of more unanswered questions and uncertainty. 

You’ll be prescribed medications, each one messing with your mind and body in ways that are welcome and some that certainly are not. There will be grueling physical therapy that hurts, but everything already hurts. So you will go through with it and it will help. But the world will decide to shit on you once again with a global pandemic deeming it impossible to make it to these sessions. 

There will be coping mechanisms. Alcohol - wine specifically. Because anything else will irritate your already complicated body even more. There will be braces, eyepatches, and drops/creams. You’ll make sacrifices and cut out simple pleasures from your life like coffee and cake. 

Your “glory years” will be taken from you. Young adulthood is about experiencing life for the first time with wide eyes and dreams of creating a life for yourself. You find yourself through independence and love and friendships. But you don’t get to do that.

It feels like it will never get better. That this way of life, this quality of life, is all there is for you. You’re alone, forced to endure this daily torture.

But then you will find someone. A gorgeous man with a kind smile that he tries to hide with his hand and a wave of humble denial. The rare moments when he’s not too caught up in his own head, his guard down, and he allows himself to simply exist alongside you are moments that will help soften the suffocating cloud.

He will be able to tell when you’re trying to mask the discomfort and pain you’re in. He can read the smile that doesn’t quite meet your eyes and the way you attempt to brush off any questions about how you’re feeling. 

A soft “Corpse” will escape his lips. His fingers will find their way to your hair, brushing gently but confidently through your scalp. You will find yourself yearning for that touch, even if the vulnerability of it all frightens you to your very core. Your mind gets heavy. You don’t deserve this act of kindness and love. You’re burdening this wonderful, selfless person with your shit. He doesn’t need a defective, imperfect, broken problem in his life. 

But he will ask if you’re okay with touch and the lack of pity and real sincerity in his voice will make you nod without even realizing you’re doing so. And he will take you in his arms, rocking you both back and forth. He can feel you tense up beneath him, the panic in your head raising with each second that passes by. He will softly hum a tune you’ll become familiar with, giving you the time you need to let the walls down. And you can feel your body relax as much as it can in this embrace.

He knows you’re not the best at taking care of yourself. He will set reminders in his phone and bring you your meds throughout the day. He will take your bigger hand in his and paint your nails when your body isn’t cooperating as if it’s as natural as breathing. He will help you with your eyeliner, determined to apply it with a level of precision that you never have even been able to achieve. He will see the way your shoulders are hunched and your eyes blinking profusely at a screen. He will carefully put on your eyepatch with a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead. He will help you communicate when you’re frustrated. Your throat aching, the bitter vile taste is in the back of your throat, and any attempt at using your vocal cords a loss cause. But he is patient with you. And he does so with that damn smile on his face.

And eventually, it does get easier. The pain is still there - it always will be. You know it is and he knows too. But you’ll realize that you don’t have to go through this alone. You never had to. You don’t deserve to.

He will make you realize that you are not weak or damned for a life of misery and isolation. You are loved. You are strong. You are kind, talented, and intelligent. Most of all, you are cared for. And you are worthy.


End file.
